As hoards of hopeful matric graduates queue outside South African universities this week, Wonkie thought it appropriate to start off 2013 with an article celebrating the phenomenal success of the ANC education department strategy.
The matric pass rate in 2012 was a staggering 73.9%. It has been increasing year-on-year since 2009 when the national pass rate was only 60.6%. Wonkie interviewed some 2012 matric students to gauge their reaction:
“The ANC is doing an amazing job with the education department,” said Johannes Poggenpoel, an enthusiastic 2012 graduate of the Gauteng education system.
“At the current growth rate, they will be easily looking at achieving like a 160% matric pass rate by 2018. I really, really pray Angie Motshekga stays on as education minister forever… she’s simply the best!”
But credit cannot go to Angie Motshekga alone. There was no doubt a significant team effort with DG Bobby Soobrayan, the rest of the education department and even Blade Nzimande, the minister of higher education all making significant contributions.
Since Wonkie is sometimes accused of being too negative, Wonkie decided it was high time to analyse and praise one of the ANC’s greatest success stories since taking power in 1994. Some in-depth investigative journalism actually revealed very little about the ANC education strategy. Trevor Manuel and Collins Chabane, the chaps irresponsible for planning and measurement against the government agenda were unavailable for comment. Rumour has it that they were busy strategising on the ANC 300 year plan, the first draft of which is rapidly approaching its March, 2040 deadline.
Not to disappoint readers, Wonkie commissioned its own think tank to reverse engineer the department of education’s winning formula. First, Wonkie determined the key variables in play and what the sensible measures of success might be (Wonkie expects that this is what Trevor and Collins spent the last 3 years working on although nobody can really be sure since it’s a well-kept ANC secret). These were the results Wonkie’s think tank came up with:
- Education Department: Strategic Variables
- Public mindset and attitudes about education
- Schooling infrastructure
- Teacher capabilities and salaries
- Matric subject pass mark
- Volume of material to be examined
- Difficulty of syllabus
- Ability to get jobs after graduation
- Ability to cope with tertiary education
- Teacher morale
- Student discipline and attendance
- Textbook delivery
- National matric pass rate
Then, following what appears to be standard protocol within ANC government departments, Wonkie’s think tank took about 28% of the annual department budget and awarded a tender to the most incompetent of 3 submissions from BEE companies. In our case, McKintinsey & Co Strategy Constuntants were awarded the education strategy tender.
The constuntants (sic) squirreled away for days and a few hundred million Rand later, came up with the following consulting report which was amazingly consistent what happened in the education department last year (click on the image to view the summary report):
Wonkie is still trying to determine whose cunning idea it was to not deliver textbooks for an entire province until almost the end of the school year. Sources within the education department have hinted that in 2013, many textbooks will be withheld nationwide following the successful pilot in Limpopo last year.
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Matric graduates may be alarmed to discover that scraping through on 31% makes it rather difficult to secure that investment banking position they’ve always wanted. If you fall into that bucket, have no fear – help is near. The national ANC job creation strategy is sure to have you working in no time. If you aren’t one of the 18 jobless people affected by that strategy, then you can always try your luck and play lottery online or click here instead if you’ve decided to relocate to India.
It doesn’t take getting 20% for mathematics to realise that winning a lottery is a long shot. More adventurous people who feel the laws of maths and statistics (which say in the long run you won’t win!) don’t apply to them, should check out these online casinos in India or some of the top online casinos in South Africa to exercise their own brand of statistics.
Seriously for a moment though, those matriculants whose results will not carry them through into either tertiary education, or a job may well want to consider entrepreneurship as a constructive way forward. If you’re going to gamble, then the only smart option is to take a chance on yourself.
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Related articles on education in South Africa and the 2012 matric results:
- The amazing Matric pass rate of South Africa
- Education in South Africa
- Outcome based education
- Julius Malema matric results
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